I don't know who I am, and yet...I do. I am Raain...I am no one else, I envy others yet I do not wish to be them. I have no special quality, and I am not particularly good at anything... You notice that in Elementary school there is an award for everything, than when you get in high school someone is always better...out there succeeding where you couldn't, proving to yourself once more that you have no god damn purpose in a world that has no sense. Walking around day by day in a great existence hoping that someone will notice who you are...hoping someone will stop and drop a dime or even a penny. A penny for your thoughts I whisper in your ear...do you dare listen or even give an answer? Knock, Knock, is anyone home? Words go in one ear and out the other, silence is bliss. Your mouth moves but nothing comes out but gasps of hot air. He stands there in front of you waiting for those three words...three words that used to mean so much, but now are said without hesitation. A passionate hold thrown on the ground...stepped on and smeared like shit on their boots. Pushing you out of their way... your always in the way, of course your the accident, the unwanted one. You want to run, but you have no where to go. Choices, choices, which turn do you take...left or right? up or down? Directions have no end destination in your head silly. Running in circles on a yellow brick road, follow that rabbit down the hole. Dropping down a endless pit, flickers of memories fall by too fast to remember...Which is real? Which is fake? False thoughts scrabbling to fast... A scream of pain. Waking up, or at least you think... a caterpillar talks...who are you!? who I am? not even a name comes to mind. Your mind is mush, petrified by herbs in an old glass pipe. The pipe you spin in your fingers, a pipe that stole years of your life away. In and out of reality you run, smiling with pills falling out of your hands. Your hands they quiver, a needle in your arm... it tingles you say, your body feeling numb. Numb and cold staring into blue eyes, while he rapes you blind. Smile little girl, reality hits, daddy shaking you like a rag doll. Your white dress covered in blood...tarring you open, ripping you inside out. Close your eyes and shake your head, the knife hits the floor... tears streaming, forming a mirror... you look for a reflection, but you see no one. A nobody in your eyes, another push and shove, a bump in the road. Driving too fast, vodka on your breathe. The fight still fresh on your tongue, a swerve to the left and another victim falls. The family six feet high staring down at dirt... dirt in a cage, your someone’s bitch...a couple seconds later and it would've been fine. Her death on your head, scream and the glass breaks. Breaking down, falling to your knees, the breathing it hurts...suffocation on a stick, killing you with every inhale. Your crave is gone at least for now, five minutes later and another ember grows. ember in your eyes, your fury it grows as he yells in your face. Words of hatred reminding you that you have no future. You have made nothing of yourself so far... who do you turn to? Turning the corner, into a dark ally you run. Hiding in a dumpster full of trash. You are trash...or at least that is what they say. Rumors and High school drama...Slut! It is all you hear echoing in your head...virginity and purity taken at the age of ten. Too drunk to remember your first time. Bruises on your thighs, pulsating in pain with every beat of your heart. Your heart it breaks again, another boy in your life. Is he the one? The last one? or is your mind playing another trick? Trick or treat, a Halloween Nightmare. Staring at grass, ripping out the roots. Screaming and yelling, but the pounding in your head drowns out all noise. Pounding on the door, you can't hear your own sobs. He is your brother yet he wants you. You can't reach the phone. To shy to show your naked body. Covering yourself with miniature hands, but they aren't enough. Close enough to hear his heart speed. Speed... he is sweating bullets, they drop on your bare chest. Your Brother long forgotten... A thing of the past he is. Changing positions, hurry before everyone is dropped off. Off you go down the road, another drug deal loaded in your backpack. A small town and an abandoned house. Sleepless nights and the smell of dried blood...seizures burning in a bowl. Fifteen dead in one night, three more in less than a year. Death in your hands; everything falls between the cracks in your fingers. Slipping and falling between the cracks in the system, no one can find me now. Hide and Seek is the game, I won't go back to reality. One more game and the hand is dealt. “Off with their heads“ , hate is on my side now. Wicked step sisters, witches and ghouls… where is my happily ever after? Buried in your closet with the rest of the skeletons. You took a bite of the apple my pretty... your happily ever after has already been decided... a deep sleep is where you fall, is it an apple or an empty bottle in your hand? sweet dreams my dear, we will never wake again